The Yard

Our house has this area in the front that has become known as "The Moat". It's an 8' wide by 35' long section that is between the front of the house and some sort of retaining wall. Our front porch is like a little bridge that goes over the moat. Each spring the moat fills with weeds and other crap that makes it look like hell. This spring we are doing something about it!

Last fall, Jess put down tarps to cover the ground in the moat to kill whatever may be growing in there. Our goal was to cover the ground with weed paper and then cover that with stones figuring it would look a lot better than weeds and other ugly plants. Today we decided to take on the "filling in the moat" phase of the project.

This morning we got outside early and took our measurements to figure out how much stone we needed to get. Figuring we would buy it like mulch, we converted all of our calculations to cubic yards. We figured that we would need 1.5 cubic yards of stone. Side note: my calculations showed that we could only get at most .5 cubic yards of anything in the back of my truck. After getting the measurements we headed down the road to a landscpaing supply place in Freetown. We had no idea what kind of place this would be but it ended up being an enormous plot of land with any type of landscaping supply you would ever need. After talking with the people inside we found out that they sell by the ton (apparently 1 ton = 1 cubic yard in the world of crushed stone) so we then drove onto the scale and they took the empty weight of my truck. We then headed down into the quarry to get a load of 1.5" crushed stone. It was at this point that things got interesting. My truck has one of those hard covers on the back that opens to about a 45 degree angle. I knew this was probably going to be an issue but was hoping they would load my truck using a small backhoe. The guy drove over in this abso-friggin-lutely HUGE front-end loader and proceeded to tell us that we gotta do something about that cover. The 3 of us (me, Jess, front-end loader guy) then tried to figure out how to release the cover from the truck. We were able to undo the hydraulic rams that kept it at a 45 degree angle but that was about it. The front-end loader guy did his best to load the stone in the back while the two of us held the cover up at about a 80 degree angle. We had some of it in the bed and some of it on the tailgate. He told us to get rid of the cover when we come back. We got our load, drove up to the scale again, and Jess went inside to pay. The total for this load....$4. All of that work for $4 worth of stone. As we left the parking lot, we sprayed probably $.50 worth of that stone all over the street as the tailgate was down.

When we got home we finished taking the cover off and unloaded our really sissy looking pile of stone. We headed right back to get a second load (this time with no cover). This time the front-end loader guy got 1/3 of a ton in the back costing us $8. We unloaded that back at home and started to work. After we got working, I headed back for more stone and Jess got the weed paper layed out. The next load was also 1/3 of a ton for $8. Our pile in the driveway was getting bigger at this point but we still needed more. On the last trip, the guy was able to get 1/2 of a ton in the truck for $12. This was a real joy to unload. In the end we got $32 worth of stone and $24 worth of weed paper.

At this point we had a gigantic pile of stone in the driveway. For the next few hours I filled the wheelbarrow with stone and dumped it into the moat while Jess spread it out. It was really shitty work and I complained the entire time (not a big surprise to anyone) but in the end it looked really, really good. Our calculations were perfect as we filled in the moat and had nothing but a pile of dust left in the driveway.

To see pictures of the stone filled "Moat" please click here.

After several years of accumulating branches and sticks in piles, we have decided to get rid of this stuff by lighting it on fire. As we were cleaning the yard, we made a pile of stuff that will meet it's ultimate death in a blaze of glory. Several weeks ago we paid our $10 and got our 2007 burning permit which allows us to burn limited amounts of brush (no leaves, stumps, or tires) between the hours of 10:00 AM and 4:00 PM on days where there is not a lot of wind.

The first order of business was to make sure that our hose would reach the fire site and we could actually get water out of it. That was actually more of a challenge than one could imagine because the hose was filled with ice. At first water was just trickling out but after connecting, reconnecting, testing, and finally running water through it for a while, the ice all shot out of the hose into a nice pile allowing us to get the burn going.

I don't know if I'm retarded or if it's actually hard to get a fire started and keep it going. It took several attempts (and a dried out christmas wreath) to get a solid fire going. We kept the fire going by feeding it pieces of the pine tree that fell across the back yard a few years ago and pieces of the swing that was left to us by the previous owners.

Before the swing could be thrown into the fire I had to get all angry homeowner on it and smash it to hell with an axe. That was actually a lot of fun and left many small pieces that could be thrown into the fire. After the swing was gone and in the fire, we went back to throwing the not-anywhere-near-as-exciting-as-the-swing-but-had-to-be-burned-anyway vines and brush that Jess cleared out of the side of the yard. That led to a fire that was not the inferno we had earlier.

As the afternoon wound down, we let the fire mostly burn itself out before applying copious amounts of water on it to guarantee our back yard would not burst into flames during the night. Overall it was a very successful mission in that we removed most of the brush from around the yard (and the swing) but Jess is convinced we need to do it again before our permit expires (I don't know if she has more to burn or is just a pyro).

To see the gallery of us burning click here.

Note - The neighbors finally took their Christmas decorations down.

Last week we took advantage of the extra hour of daylight to perform the annual ritual of raking the yard. Over the course of 3 evenings we were able to take care of the majority of the yard. Our goal is to get everything cleaned up so we can burn the branches, sticks, twigs, etc that we have accumulated over the last few years.


-Jess raking the back yard.

When it comes to yard work, there isn't anything I hate doing more than raking. This year, like every other year has resulted in a small blister on my right hand. The only thing that got me through the arduous process this year was a little melodic hardcore courtesy of 98 Mute + my iPod. While Jess was constantly working, I would rake a bit then find myself dancing around the yard with the rake until I would get a strange look that told me to get back to work.


-The Angry Homeowner raking the back yard.

Two days after we finished the raking our back yard filled up with a frozen slushy/snowy/icy slop that will soon melt and leave behind some more treasures to clean up.

The whole time we raked, we decided it would be nice for the dog to get some fresh air. Fresh air to our dog is sit outside and bark constantly for over an hour. Bark at what? We don't really know. I leave you with this picture of the dog not helping us rake.


-Jess raking the back yard. Nikki not raking the back yard.

This is a strange post for February 28 but bear with me...

So Jess and I have decided to put lights on the house next Christmas. We went out after Christmas '06 and purchased a bunch of lights at a great discount. When the time comes this December, we will put the lights up on our house and a few days after Christmas they will come down not to be seen for another 335 days or so. Stay tuned for pictures when the time comes.

This brings me to the people that live several houses down from us. As I write this story, they have two Santas, one Snowman, and no less than three signs indicating their front lawn is the North Pole. Back in November (yes right after Thanksgiving) they put up this festive display along with a series of seizure inducing lights. At that point I said to Jess, "It's too damn early for all those Christmas decorations. Can't they at least wait until December starts." Three months later, they've stopped giving the neighbors seizures (the lights are still on the fence just not turned on) but we still have to watch Santa, Frosty, and the family of North Pole signs get bleached by the sun.

I had mentioned to a few friends that I should go over there at night and steal the decorations so I don't have to look at them anymore. It was at that point I realized stealing them would be a bad idea. Not because it's wrong to steal, but because this is like a car crash. We just can't stop watching. Nothing would make me laugh harder than someone living in that house having to move the decorations in order to mow the lawn. Then I thought that if they can survive repeated lawn mowings they have the possibility of melting in the hot summer sun (one of the Santas is made of cloth, he might spontaneously combust). If they can wait long enough it becomes more efficient to just leave the friggin things up all year. What's the point of taking them down in October (other than to put up the halloween decorations. I guess you could always put a witches hat on the now hardened pile of melted plastic that was once Santa).

There is no excuse for this amount of laziness. It's not like these people have died and are in the process of decomposing on the kitchen floor. NO! I see one of them walking their semi-retarded dog at least once a day. One would think that looking at the decorations several times day would set off that little voice in your head that says "Hey shithead it's March, take the Christmas decorations down".

I will keep everyone updated on this slowly developing story. If anyone wants to start a square pool on when the decorations will find their way back into the garage, send me an email.

Are you kidding me? I had seen the forecasts all weekend indicating we would have snow on Monday morning but I just never put the pieces together until I looked outside at 5:45 this morning and saw everything covered in white. The unplowed side roads and parking lots made the ride to work an experience I would not soon forget as my truck almost got intimate with a guard rail on the road to the office but that crisis was averted due to ABS.

Anyway, when I got home I had to shovel (well not shovel, scrape) half of the driveway clean. Why half you ask? Well for some strange reason, half of my yard and half of my driveway had no snow at all on it. The other half was a snowy, slushy, puddly mess that I got to push around while sweating my ass off. For the first time this snow season I got to use my new Oakley boots in a wet situation. To experiment with the waterproofness (not a real word, I know) of them I walked through any puddle I could find. My feet stayed dry the entire time! My pants on the other hand got soaking wet then the bottoms of them froze. This left me in an uncomfortable position once the boots were off and these semi-frozen pant bottoms rubbed against my legs. Needless to say that as I write this, I'm back in my traditional shorts.

By the way, the snow shovel was buried deep within our pseudo-shed. Some advice for other homeowners who own snow shovels...take them out of their summer hiding spot before it snows. Doing so will save you some frustration and the use of 4-letter words.